Down in Flames, Part 1

Artie
The dead do talk, Sam. They’re all around you, but you won’t listen to them.
Me
You’re mad as a March hare!
Artie
A match for you, then. Speaking of matches, take one out, strike it. Beautiful flame, isn’t it?
Me
So?  If I throw it away, it’s horrible: it may cost me my life.
Artie
Don’t worry, be happy!
Me
You know you ought to be just about the happiest guy in the world: great grades, a fine career ahead, money, now Barbara.
Artie
Yeah, I know.
Me
She’s the loveliest girl in town.
Artie
In the world Sam, in the world.
Me
My fireplace agrees with you, Art.
Artie
So who’s to disagree? Therefore, let’s Talk more about my idea.
Me
When are you going to grow up! I don’t mind you risking your own neck, but think of Barbara. What does GQ say about a wedding in white tie and bandages?
Artie
Well, fires have always fascinated me.
Me
That doesn’t mean we have to jeopardize our lives chasing them all the freakin’ time.
Artie
Maybe it does seem odd, chasing fires. Look though, Sam, don’t flames get to you?
Me
What do you mean?
Artie
Look in your fireplace; look at those flames, orange and red, like small living things.
Me
We need to change the topic!
Artie
What’s the matter, Sam, did I scare you?
Me
No, you were talking like an idiot! Living things?
Artie
Was I? I said that flames seem alive; others have said that. Earlier generations. They worshipped flame as a living thing, a god-like thing.
Me
Artie Nicolas, are you out of your freakin’ mind!
Artie
I’m talking facts!
Me
That’s lame! Contrary to your statement, fire is not a living thing.
Artie
How can you, or I, or anyone else, say that it isn’t alive? How do we know that it isn’t?
Me
Because it isn’t intelligent, there is no evidence of intelligence.
Artie
No? Do you know the definition of life? It is a living thing, moving about; it not only moves by itself but it feeds by itself!
Me
Big deal. So what?
Artie
When a man chokes to death, why does he die?
Me
Because, well, because his air supply is cut off.
Artie
Exactly! That’s just how you kill a flame, by cutting the air supply. I tell you, I’ve sat for hours watching flames. Flame is a living, breathing, entity.
Me
Yeah?  You’re talking out of your head! Come on, let’s meet up, and I’ll buy you a drink.
Artie
Wait, Sam, there’s something I want to read to you, a book I just found. Spirits?
Me
While you’re getting it, do you mind if I throw another piece of wood on this living entity of mine? It’s getting chilly in here.
Artie
I have the book, listen. But first let me say, it tells of a race of fire worshippers who lived in medieval times, people who believed that every flame held its own godlike being.
Me
I still want to go to Joe’s Bar!
Artie
In here is a prayer these fire worshippers used to call up the spirit of the flame!
Me
Wait a minute, Artie! They did what with that prayer?
Artie
Conjured up the flame spirit, so that they could see it.
Me
You mean they’d recite some hocus-pocus and have something pop out at them?
Artie
Yes, but I need to find just how to read this prayer to the fire in a fireplace, say! If I knew just what inflections to use, I would be able to see the spirit of the flame, too, Sam. Joking
Me
In other words, you think it exists?
Artie
Maybe, I’m not sure.
Me
Good thing you’re not sure, dude. Or I’d call for a straitjacket! Come on, buddy. Let’s bust out of our cabins and go meet for a drink someplace!
Artie
No thanks, Sam, I’m not going.
Me
Oh, okay. Go ahead, sit at home and stew, but don’t let anyonewho isn’t a friend of yours hear all that stuff about flame spirits or you’re gonna find yourself in front of a looney doctor.
Artie
Don’t deny the possibility.
Me
But all this nonsense, you were just kidding me along, right!
Artie
What? Yeah, yeah, that’s right! LOL!
Me
And you wanna marry my sister!
Artie
That’s so. Well, you know how it is.
Me
But a joke’s a joke, huh?
Artie
Of course, ha, ha. So I’ll be in touch, bud.
Me
Later, man! “Beautiful flame,” huh? LOL!
Artie
…and I humbly give unto thee this sacrifice. A sacrifice? But what? Barbara’s ring! I have it here. Oh yeah, and I humbly give unto thee this sacrifice, Great Most High! I beseech thee to reveal unto me the life within life, the heart of life that beats within the heart of fire, as I repeat the sacred words…”

Look for PART 2.