Not Dead, Part 2

Me
Hey, what time is it, Tony?
Tony
It’s 6:30. Doc says if we embalm this accident victim and the fire victim that just came in, we can go home.
Me
Well let’s start.
Tony
I’m hungry.
Me
Okay, I started the motor.
Tony
Hey, this is a young guy here.
Me
Yeah, I was speaking with my wife about that yesterday.
Tony
I’ll get the injector out.
Me
Uh-huh, good. She was saying more and more people die older and older.
Tony
Yeah? Looks like we can open through the neck.
Me
Yeah, yeah. Give me a piece of that sardine sandwich, Tony.
Me
I said she should be around this place a while. We get them all ages.
Tony
Hey, want me to do it?
Me
I’m sorry, but you’ll get to use the injector.
Me
Ready? Hey look at the tiny bump on his head!
Tony
Yeah, you never think that such a little thing like getting nudged to the pavement could kill ya.
Me
It can if you fall wrong. Hold it steady now, will you? This scalpel is sharp.
Tony
Yeah, yeah, okay. You’re ready?
Me
Just a second.
Tony
Yeah, sure.
Me
All right, here we go. Oh, jeeze!
Tony
What’s the matter?
Me
My glasses! They’re clouding up.
Tony
I’d take them off.
Me
Oh no, I’ll just clean ’em.
Tony
What’d the wife say to that?
Me
Oh she didn’t have anything to say, only that most of the people we deal with have probably come to a violent end.
Tony
Well there’s something to that. Lot more gunshot victims these days than when I started ten years ago.
Me
Okay. I got my glasses clean.
Tony
All right now.
Me
Hmm!
Tony
What’s the matter?
Me
They’re steamed up again! I must be sweatin’ more ’cause it’s humid.
Tony
It ain’t that humid in here.
Me
Well, every time I bend over it fogs up.
Tony
I wonder?
Me
What? Oh it must just be my imagination.
Tony
I could have sworn this guy was breathing on your glasses!
Me
Ha, ha! The doc could never miss one that bad. There’s no way!
Tony
Well come on, and let’s go, it’s a quarter till already.
Me
Yeah, uh, hold it, hold it up!
Tony
Let’s get this started first okay?
Me
My cell phone is buzzing now. I better take it.
Tony
It’s probably that Mesothelioma Law Firm, the asbestos lawyers. Call ’em back later!
Me
Hello? tell us what? I’ll hold. Hi, Doc! What does the bracelet in the fire victim’s pocket say?
Tony
Whoa! This guy’s not Dead! I, I saw the guy’s hand twitch!
Me
He’s a catatonic, Doc! Oh boy! Oh boy, and Tony just saw him move!
Tony
No wonder your glasses steamed up again. Oh Lord, he is alive.
Me
Hey look at me; I’m shaking all over!
Tony
And look at him. He’s coming out of it.
Me
I’ll get him revived. Listen, please shut that thing off.
Lauer
What’ve you been doing to me? I am Not Dead.
Me
We found that out before you woke up!
Lauer
Hello, Sara, I’m calling from the morgue.
Lauer
They told you I was dead? I know, but they made a mistake!
Sara
Oh thank God, Wright! Just get straight home! Dinner’s getting ice-cold.