{"id":2411,"date":"2019-04-09T10:48:07","date_gmt":"2019-04-09T15:48:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/captivatedchat.com\/?p=2411"},"modified":"2021-06-14T10:02:23","modified_gmt":"2021-06-14T15:02:23","slug":"a-telephonic-conversation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/captivatedchat.com\/index.php\/2019\/04\/09\/a-telephonic-conversation\/","title":{"rendered":"A Telephonic Conversation"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Mark Twain<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adapted to chat story format by Captivated Chat<\/em><\/p>\n

Well, the thing began in this way. A member of our household came in and asked me to have our house put into communication with Mr. Bagley’s downtown…So I touched the bell, and this talk ensued.<\/em><\/p>\n

Phone Operator<\/div>
(Gruffly) Hello!\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
Is it the Central Office?\n<\/div><\/div>
Phone Operator<\/div>
Of course it is. What do you want?\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
Will you switch me on to the Bagleys, please?\n<\/div><\/div>
Phone Operator<\/div>
All right. Just keep your ear to the telephone.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Yeeesss? Did you wish to speak to me?\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n

Without answering, I handed the telephone to the applicant, and sat down. Then followed that queerest of all the queer things in this world\u2014a conversation with only one end to it. You hear questions asked; you don’t hear the answer. You hear invitations given; you hear no thanks in return. You have listening pauses of dead silence, followed by apparently irrelevant and unjustifiable exclamations of glad surprise or sorrow or dismay. You can’t make head or tail of the talk, because you never hear anything that the person at the other end of the wire says. Well, I heard the following remarkable series of observations, all from the one tongue, and all shouted\u2014for you can’t ever persuade the gentle sex to speak gently into a telephone.<\/em><\/p>\n

Me<\/div>
Yes? Why, how did that happen?\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
What did you say?\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz. Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
Oh no, I don’t think it was.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz. Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
No! Oh no, I didn’t mean that. I meant, put it in while it is still boiling\u2014or just before it comes to a boil.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0What?\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz. Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0I turned it over with a backstitch on the selvage edge.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Yes, I like that way, too; but I think it’s better to baste it on with Valenciennes or bombazine, or something of that sort. It gives it such an air\u2014and attracts so much noise.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0It’s forty-ninth Deuteronomy, sixty-forth to ninety-seventh inclusive. I think we ought all to read it often.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Perhaps so; I generally use a hair pin.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0What did you say? (_Aside_.) Children, do be quiet!\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Oh! B flat! Dear me, I thought you said it was the cat!\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Since when?\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Why, I never heard of it.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0You astound me! It seems utterly impossible!\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Who did?\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz. Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Good-ness gracious!\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Well, what is this world coming to? Was it right in church?\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0And was her mother there?\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Why, Mrs. Bagley, I should have died of humiliation! What did they do?\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0I can’t be perfectly sure, because I haven’t the notes by me; but I think it goes something like this: te-rolly-loll-loll, loll lolly-loll-loll, O tolly-loll-loll-lee-ly-li-i-do! And then repeat, you know.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Yes, I think it is very sweet\u2014and very solemn and impressive, if you get the andantino and the pianissimo right.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Oh, gum-drops, gum-drops! But I never allow them to eat striped candy. And of course they can’t, till they get their teeth, anyway.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0What?\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Oh, not in the least\u2014go right on. He’s here writing\u2014it doesn’t bother him.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Very well, I’ll come if I can. (Aside.) Dear me, how it does tire a person’s arm to hold this thing up so long! I wish she’d\u2014\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Oh no, not at all; I like to talk\u2014but I’m afraid I’m keeping you from your affairs.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Visitors?\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0No, we never use butter on them.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Yes, that is a very good way; but all the cook-books say they are very unhealthy when they are out of season. And he doesn’t like them, anyway\u2014especially canned.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Oh, I think that is too high for them; we have never paid over fifty cents a bunch.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Must you go? Well, good-by.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Yes, I think so. good-by.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Four o’clock, then\u2014I’ll be ready. good-by.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Thank you ever so much. good-by.\n<\/div><\/div>
<\/div>
Mrs. Bagley<\/div>
Buzz.\n<\/div><\/div>
Me<\/div>
\u00a0Oh, not at all!\u2014just as fresh\u2014which? Oh, I’m glad to hear you say that. Good-by.\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n

(Hangs up the telephone and says, \u201cOh, it does <\/i>tire a person’s arm so!\u201d)<\/p>\n

A man delivers a single brutal \u201cGood-by,\u201d and that is the end of it. Not so with the gentle sex\u2014I say it in their praise; they cannot abide abruptness.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

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